So, you finally got your hands on a monster dildo—that thick, girthy beast that’s more than just a toy; it’s an experience. And now you’re staring at it like, “How the hell do I ride this thing without breaking myself in half?” Don’t worry, babe—we’re about to walk through five damn good positions that’ll help you tame the monster without losing your mind (or your hole). Whether you’re a pro size queen or a curious daredevil, these positions will have you dripping, gasping, and craving round two.
1. The Lazy Beast Tamer (Missionary with Legs Up)
This one’s for the brave-but-cautious babes. Lie on your back, legs pulled all the way up, knees hugging your chest. It’s basic, but the stretch is chef’s kiss when you’re working in a monster dildo. You’ve got full control of the angle, the depth, and the pace—especially important when you’re trying not to get absolutely wrecked in the first 30 seconds. Keep lube close, moan loud, and ride that girthy demon like you were made for it.
2. The Hellbent Cowgirl (Reverse Cowgirl or Standard)
Time to get nasty. Sit on that beast like the filthy boss you are—front-facing or reverse, your choice. The key here is grinding. Don’t just bounce like it’s a pogo stick—grind, swirl, take your time. Let your ass or pussy swallow that monster dildo inch by inch until you’re clenching around it like it owes you rent. The view? Insane. The feeling? Like a cosmic punch to your G-spot or prostate. You’ll thank me later.
3. The Sofa Sacrifice (Bent Over Couch or Bed)
Bend over something sturdy—bed, couch, table, your ex’s hopes and dreams. Lube up, slap that silicone beast against your ass or lips, and push it in while gripping for dear life. This position lets gravity do half the work, and the stretch is deliciously brutal. If you’ve got a suction base on your monster dildo, stick it somewhere and back up on it like you’re filming your own OnlyFans. Control meets chaos. It’s a fuckfest waiting to happen.
4. The Sidewinder Stretch (Side-Lying Entry)
This one’s underrated but perfect for deep, slow, intense penetration. Lay on your side with one leg bent and the other stretched out. Slide the monster dildo in nice and slow and feel every damn ridge and curve. This is where you moan like a pornstar and lose all grip on reality. Ideal for edging sessions or when you wanna feel totally wrecked but still cozy as hell. Your sheets might be soaked after this. Not sorry.
5. The Shower Showoff (Standing Up Suctioned)
Ready for a full-body meltdown? Suction that monster dildo to the wall, hop in the shower, and ride it like you’re auditioning for a hardcore flick. The warm water, the slippery skin, the slap of ass against wall—it’s pure filth in the best way. You’ll be screaming so loud the neighbors might file a noise complaint. Bonus: easy cleanup when you explode all over the place.
Wanna Ride the Real Thing? Hit Up MrHankeysToys.com
If you’re serious about pushing your limits and want a toy that’s built for the wildest fucks of your life, MrHankeysToys.com is your holy grail. They’ve got handcrafted monster dildo options in every freakin’ shape, size, and shade. These aren’t your average sex toys—these are sculpted for sinners who crave stretch, depth, and destruction (the good kind). So stop fantasizing and grab the beast that’ll make your whole body shake.
